The holidays are coming. Cue that Coca Cola Christmas soundtrack. Tis the season. Watch out. Look around. Something’s coming. Coming to town. Is it me? Did I watch too many horror movies, or does that seem sinister? You truly can’t escape Christmas. It’s everywhere. On the radio. On TV. In the shops and supermarkets. But it’s probably me.
Anyway, it’s February, so we’re long past Christmas, but that means I’ve had enough time to reflect on how I spent that time last year. I’m not Christian. As far as religion goes, I grew up in a Hindu household, and I consider myself Hindu. We also celebrate Christmas. My parents even celebrated the holiday in Suriname. That’s the influence of Christianity and colonialism.
Christmas is not celebrated in a religious capacity by us, of course. Instead, it’s about spending time together. Eating and drinking together. Exchanging gifts. Dooh dooh dooh... Always Coca Cola. You know, commercialization, and forced social interactions. Who doesn’t love those?! I swear I’m not bitter. I love receiving gifts, especially books.
We have a Christmas tree, we decorate it with colorful items and pretty lights. I keep my decor pretty simple, and my parents are extravagant. More is more. Loud, and bright, and happy. The decorations and the fairy lights at home do elevate my spirits, especially when the days are shorter, colder, and darker in the winter.
But Christmas is inescapable. I don’t know about how you experience the holiday, but for me there seems to be a lot of external social pressure and obligations. You have to show up, and it’s about having a good time. A lot of days are like that (birthdays to name one) but there’s such an insistence on sharing and caring with Christmas, with weeks of buildup, reminders of it wherever you go.
Fixed dates are reserved for spending time with specific people. For me there’s Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Second Christmas Day (yup we have those in the Netherlands). Three days of back-to-back social gatherings that last the whole day/evening (sometimes both). It’s a lot.
So, why am I writing about the holidays in February? Is it just to complain? Nah. There’s reflection, remember.
I’ve always been someone who gets energy from social interactions, and once I reach my limit I need to recharge. But my energy level hasn’t been as high for over a decade, and I’m still coming to terms with that. Since I haven’t yet, that means I’ve often surpassed my limits, and I’m drained. That means most social interactions cost me energy nowadays.
My wallet of emotional currency has been depleted. I’m broke.
Not to be dramatic, but why not?! It’s a metaphor, and it’s true. Just go with it.
Last Christmas I was mentally exhausted after two days of family time, so on the third day (December 26th) I was unable to commit to anything or anyone else. I retreated within myself. Fortunately for me, and every other Netflix subscriber, Bridgerton came out that day. An episode lasted a whole-ass hour, so I found the perfect way to sit back, relax, and recharge.
Earn back my energy coins through self care. I love it.
I spent the following days reading books, and enjoying tv-shows. Just time with myself. A few quiet days to fill my wallet with enough coins to be emotionally present during New Year’s Eve, and have myself a good time. We ate, we drank, we sang karaoke, we watched the illegal fireworks. It was neat.
It’s a silly complaint, right? I’ve so many people in my life who love me and want to spend time with me. I just don’t have a lot of energy coins. So I end up feeling guilty, because I’m a people pleaser who wants to spend time with loved ones, who doesn’t want to disappoint. But in doing so… I’m neglecting myself. I won’t be happy. Others won’t be happy (I mean, probably). And that way everyone ends up paying the price. And I’ll remain broke.
Is there a lesson to take away from this? Yes! I was in a bad mood those days that I needed recharging, and I think that I could have handled that situation better—scratch that. I will handle it better next year. I’m going to set boundaries with myself and the people who want to see me. I will start early, months early, like the damn Christmas songs on the radio and the Santa Claus-themed candies in the supermarket, to give my loved ones the time to prepare because Holidays are coming.
My first boundary will be only celebrating Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I’m no longer willing to do anything on the Second Christmas Day. That day is solely going to be about pajamas and movies (or hopefully season two of Bridgerton—I’m so here for Anthony’s story).
My second boundary will be to set a time limit per social event. Knowing there is a time limit, which others will be made aware of too, will hopefully help me opt out without feeling guilty. Maybe I won’t get rid of the guilt yet, but it will mean that I can be present and in the moment, and that I can leave and recharge, and not have to cough up more energy coins than I have.
It’s more important to show up and be present, not the duration. Quality over quantity, in this case. No more forced interactions. With my boundaries in place, they can just be interactions.
I would really like that.
I suppose it may all seem silly. Maybe over a decade ago, when I was much younger and had more energy, I would’ve thought so too. But it’s not silly. It’s just where I’m at right now, and I’ve got to make that work. Since my energy is quite precious, I have to be precious about it.
The hard part will be communicating my needs to others, and possibly dealing with their disappointment. I’m still struggling when it comes to that. I have a tendency to take on people’s feelings, and I don’t know how to turn that off yet…
Maybe next Christmas I will have more clarity. For now, this will do.