The Spotlight Effect: We're Not That Important

Back in the seventeenth century, the Western world made some startling scientific discoveries that changed world views. One of those discoveries was Galileo’s telescope, which provided further evidence for Copernican’s heliocentrism: A model that positioned the Sun at the centre of the universe. This model replaced the centuries-old belief that Earth was at the center of the universe. This astronomical discovery had societal consequences—it meant humans were no longer the center of the universe.

We’re not that important.

So the universe doesn’t revolve around Earth—that’s old news for us today in 2021. Then, why am I bringing it up, anyway? Because it’s a great example of how humanity put itself at the center of its own world for centuries!

It’s only human, but that doesn’t make it true.

Earth isn’t the center of the universe, and individuals aren’t the center of other people’s worlds either. Thinking you are at the center of everyone’s world is a phenomenon known as the spotlight effect. It’s anxiety tricking you into believing that (especially when you make a mistake) everyone is watching you, that they’re judging you, and that you’re terrible for it. As an individual, we’re constantly thinking about ourselves, because we’re the nucleus in our world—the protagonist in our life story.

But that also means you’re not the protagonist in someone else’s story.

You’re not that important. I’m not that important. And that’s good!

In someone else’s story, they are their own protagonist.

This is a great thing, especially for those of us who are very self-conscious or deal with social anxiety, because it means everyone is the center of their own world. We’re not in the spotlight. Everyone is busy with themselves, worrying about themselves, thinking about themselves, so they’re less likely to notice something embarrassing or if something might be off with you—if you said the wrong thing, if the shirt you’re wearing has a stain on it, if you got a new haircut.

As someone who does have social anxiety, I really try to keep the spotlight effect in mind. I’m a huge overthinker, and I worry a great deal about how I am perceived or if others are judging me. This absolutely has to do with generational trauma that I’ve inherited. And I’m trying to not let other people’s opinions affect me, but that’s much harder to unlearn… so I wanted to offer this bit of insight too. Think of it as an additional step on the road to shifting validation from external factors to internal ones.

I used to spend so much time after a social event worrying or feeling bad or being hard on myself for not being perfect. And it’s just so exhausting and so unfair and so unrealistic.

People aren’t thinking this much about me, so why am I? Why am I being this hard on myself? People are less aware of or less likely to notice these minor (and sometimes huge) things unless we bring them up ourselves. It’s really interesting how we draw attention to things we find embarrassing—to the thing we want to avoid—only to discover others weren’t actually paying attention to it. And if they were, they probably didn't care as much about it as we did.

I think it’s a really freeing notion to keep in mind when I need to reframe an anxious thought into a thought that’s rooted in reality. Just like Earth isn’t the center of the universe, neither are we the center of anyone else’s world. So, just be you. And it’s ok if you make mistakes. People probably won’t notice or care as much as you do, anyway.

Next time you’re overthinking and worrying about how others might be judging you, be conscious of the spotlight effect and try to ground yourself in reality by asking: Do you remember everyone’s flaws? Can you still recall someone’s random embarrassing moment from three months ago? Are you judging everyone for every single mistake they ever made? Or are you caught up in your own mind, thinking about yourself? If so, why would anyone else be any different?